Defying Desire Read online

  Now, he was completely fascinated by how such a mundane task like eating a slice of pizza could totally arouse him. Especially after their latest round of sex. He should have been completely tapped out, yet here he was sitting across from her watching her chew and savor the pizza as if it were the best she’d ever had, all the while sporting a horrendous hard-on.

  “What are you looking at?” she asked after chewing and swallowing. Placing her slice on the paper plate she lifted a napkin and wiped her mouth.

  “You,” he answered simply.

  “Why?” She shrugged. “You’ve seen me a million times, I’m sure.”

  “But I’ve never seen you like this. Relaxed, without makeup, without fancy clothes. It’s different.”

  She’d been about to lift her pizza to her mouth again but she refrained, tilting her head to stare at him. “So do I look that bad?”

  “No. On the contrary, you’re beautiful.” That sounded trite and completely clichéd so he started again. “I’m sure you already know that considering your occupation as a model. You’re probably used to people telling you how good you look all the time. But see, the thing is, you’re beautiful without all those trappings.”

  She continued to look at him as if she couldn’t believe what he was saying. Hell, he could scarcely believe it.

  “You don’t fit the whole model persona. Look at you sitting here eating that pizza when you know full well it’s going to add pounds to that already fierce body of yours.”

  That made her smile. “You’re right, I’m going to have to work like hell to burn off these calories,” she quipped then lifted her slice and took another heaping bite.

  Trent couldn’t help but laugh. “Contradictions. That’s what you are. A bundle of contradictions.”

  “Is that good or bad?” she asked when her mouth was no longer full.

  “I like you better this way,” was his reply.

  Leaning forward with her elbows on the table she eyed him knowingly. “Point blank, you like me better naked.”

  Taking a drink of his soda Trent agreed. “Yeah, I definitely like you naked.”

  As if it were her turn to analyze him she said, “You’re different from what I thought, too.”

  “I am? How?”

  “You’re the big bad Donovan brother. The mean-ass Navy SEAL that takes no prisoners. Of the Triple Threat you are the most infamous.”

  Trent didn’t bristle at her reference to the name he and his brothers had learned to embrace.

  “When Linc married Jade everybody was shocked, yet pleased because college sweethearts should have happy endings. Adam and Camille were simply the sweetest fairy tale you could ever see. I see why the press are eating this engagement up as if they were royalty.”

  “And then there’s you.” She tilted her head, her braids slipping over her shoulder.

  He loved her hair, the color, the style, it fit her perfectly. Sassy and sexy. “I’m just me. There’s no mystery there.”

  She was about to tell him what she really thought of him. As intimate as they had been in the past week, this was as close as they’d come to a normal date. In which case, the first impressions should mean less. Then why was he suddenly on guard about what she was about to say?

  “I knew a woman you dated once.”

  He lifted a brow. There was a long list of women he’d dated and she could possibly know any number of them.

  “Her name was Olivia. We had some modeling gigs together a few months back. She couldn’t help bragging about her night with the legendary Trent Donovan.”

  Flipping through his mental Rolodex Trent tried to recall an Olivia who had been a model. Traditionally he wasn’t drawn to the model types because they seemed more focused on how they looked than on who they were. Yet here he was with Tia, one of the hottest models on the market. Then again, he admitted, she’d been breaking all sorts of records since the day he’d met her. Especially in the bedroom.

  “So what did this Olivia have to say about me?”

  “It was pretty much the norm. You’re handsome, you’re rich and great in bed.” Letting the tip of her finger slide across her chin she continued to assess him. “I wonder if I should give her a call just to let her know that her evaluation of you was inaccurate.”

  “Inaccurate?” Trent asked. “So I’m not good in bed?”

  Tia picked up her glass, took a long drink, then sat it back on the table. With a swipe of her tongue over her lips she said, “You’re outstanding in bed.”

  That part of Trent that was all man and all ego couldn’t help but be overjoyed. But as he sat back in his chair continuing to stare at the woman across from him, he wondered if that was all she saw in him. Was it just the good-looking, unobtainable Donovan brother who could rock her world in bed? And if so, why did that bother him so much?

  “Another thing Olivia didn’t mention, and this may be because you only spent that one night with her that I know of. You’re extremely dedicated to your family. Your brothers love and respect you, their significant others love you. And your feelings for them are just as fierce. I listen to Camille talking about the relationship between the three of you and I feel almost jealous.”

  “Really? You don’t have any siblings?” he asked although he already knew the answer.

  “No. I’m an only child. My mother had a string of miscarriages before she was finally able to carry me to term. After that they didn’t dare try again.”

  “So you were lonely growing up?”

  “Not necessarily lonely. I had a lot of friends. Girls I hung out with, kids in the neighborhood. But it’s different with siblings. They’re always there, from the time you get up in the morning until the time you fall into bed at night. Most friendships never compare to the closeness of sibling relationships.”

  Trent nodded. He could completely agree. He’d never had a friend that was closer to him than his brothers were. “So I guess that means you’re planning to have a lot of kids. You know, to make sure they have the siblings that you didn’t have.”

  He should have known the question was a mistake. Considering all the information he’d collected on her, he should have steered completely clear of the baby discussion with her. And yet, a part of him desperately wanted to know her plans for the future.

  From the instant set of her shoulders as she shifted in the chair, Trent knew he’d made a mistake.

  She straightened, brought herself closer to the table, then looked down at her half-eaten slice of pizza. “I don’t think much about having kids,” she answered quietly.

  And as if he just couldn’t leave well enough alone, Trent asked, “Why? You’d probably be a great mother.”

  She looked up at him then, her eyes the saddest orbs he’d ever seen. “Motherhood isn’t in the cards for every woman.”

  Trent got the message loud and clear. She didn’t want to talk about this. And once the conversation was started he realized he shouldn’t want to talk about it, either. Kids and a family weren’t in the cards for him any more than they were for her, but for a whole different set of reasons.

  His job was dangerous. He was away for weeks, sometimes months at a time fighting enemies that others only read about in the newspapers. At any time he could be killed. And what would that do to the wife and kids he’d left at home? It was bad enough he had his family that worried about him constantly. No way was he going to put any more people into that situation of worrying over him and possibly the pain of losing him. He just wouldn’t do it. So despite the reasons the public had given for him being one of the Triple Threat Donovans, Trent’s reason was deeper, more personal than anyone could ever imagine.

  “I can’t wait until Jade has the twins,” he said thinking that was the closest he’d ever get to kids and a family of his own. “Seeing Linc as a father is going to be so weird. My parents are thrilled. You would think they were having another child of their own.”

  “Jade is going to be great with those babies,” Tia said with sinc
erity. “I’m really happy for her and for Linc.”

  The fact that she may never again feel that type of happiness cast a melancholy mood over Tia and she lifted her pizza to take another bite.

  Trent interrupted her pity party, his smile and blatant sexual desire a pleasant distraction. For that she was grateful. He’d ordered pizza, with extra cheese, her absolute favorite cheat food. She hadn’t been lying when she’d said she’d need to work out extrahard to get rid of these calories. But she didn’t care. She needed all the comfort she could get.

  It suddenly hit her that during this second year anniversary of the worst time in her life, Trent Donovan should be the one getting her through the roughest times. And he didn’t even know it.

  “So you’re truly a Navy SEAL?” she asked hoping to change the subject before her emotions overtook her. “But you’re not actively listed in the military, how does that work?”

  “I’m listed,” he said appearing to be perfectly content on changing the subject. “It’s just with a covert group that only goes out on special operations.”

  “Ooh, like spy-type assignments?” His job sounded so intriguing.

  “Something like that. Actually, we act on information from government agents. Our operations usually lead us to threats of national security.”

  “So, like terrorists or just high-profile criminals?”

  “More along the lines of terrorist organizations in the States and abroad.”

  “Wow.”

  “Yeah, that’s what I used to think myself. Lately, however, I’ve been dabbling in P.I. work.”

  “Really? Why the shift?”

  Trent shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe because it keeps me local. I know my mother hates when I’m so far away. And my brothers are settling down, having kids. I’d like to see my nieces and nephews growing up.”

  She nodded. “Look at you, a protector of our country. I’m impressed.” He smiled and she thought she’d never seen a more attractive man.

  There seemed to be more to Trent, beyond his good looks and obvious sex appeal. Something that she had a feeling people tended to overlook.

  “And that’s why you won’t settle down, isn’t it?” she asked suddenly.

  The look he gave her said he hadn’t expected her to say that but Tia sensed she wasn’t completely off the mark.

  “My parents worry about me a lot when I’m on a mission. And so do my brothers. It’s dangerous enough out there without having to worry about how my safety will affect even more people than that.”

  “Like a wife and kids?”

  “As you said about motherhood, being a husband and a father is simply not in the cards for everyone.”

  Tia nodded. His comment served to say that he didn’t want to talk about this any more than she wanted to talk about children. So for the time that Trent was here they would stay on mutual ground.

  “Before we go any further I need to clarify something,” she started.

  “And what’s that?” He pushed away from the table, standing and moving closer to her.

  Tia stood, as well. She was tall at five feet ten inches, still Trent towered at least seven inches taller. His stance exuded the strength and protection that Tia subconsciously craved. If only she could fall into his arms, knowing without a doubt that his strength would heal her, his protection would encompass her. But she knew she couldn’t. To feel that way again about another man just set her up for the tremendous hurt of loss. She knew that just as surely as everyone lived, they died. And it was the dying that scared her the most.

  “This thing between us, whatever it is that we’re doing,” she stumbled over the words as her mind reeled with more serious thoughts.

  He grabbed her hands bringing them up to his lips and kissed each one. “‘This thing’?” he questioned.

  “I mean, what we’re doing…ah, sleeping together…or…” Damn, she couldn’t even get it out.

  “Lovers, Tia. That’s what we are now,” he said smoothly pulling her up against his chest.

  She nodded. “Okay. Well, since we’re lovers. I need you to know that I only do one at a time. I’m not into sharing.” There, she’d finally got it out. She only hoped he didn’t misread her words to think that she wanted some type of commitment from him.

  He simply smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck then grasping her just beneath her buttocks and lifting her until her legs entwined around his waist.

  “Then we have something in common. I’ve never been good at sharing, either.”

  He was already walking toward the bedroom. Her center throbbed with anticipation, her breasts rubbing wantonly against his chest. “So for the time being, there’s nobody else, for either of us, right?”

  “Right,” he said leaning forward to suckle her lower lip into his mouth. “For the time being,” he said releasing her mouth, “Tia St. Claire, you are all mine.”

  He sat her gently on the bed, pulling her jersey quickly over her head then stepping out of his boxers. Her mouth watered at the sight of his thick arousal stretching upward toward his muscled abs.

  Licking her lips as she lay back on the bed, opening herself up to him, Tia whispered, “That’s just fine with me.”

  “Stop whining, we’re just going out to get some air,” Trent said as he waited impatiently for Tia to slip on her sweatpants and shirt.

  “It’s almost midnight,” she complained.

  “I know. That’s the best time for a walk.”

  “No, that’s normally the best time to sleep.” Pulling her shirt on, she flipped her braids through the collar and stood to stare at him with annoyance.

  Taking her hand, Trent pulled her out of the room, heading for the front door. “It’s quiet and the humidity has usually gone down so you’re not sweating bullets as you walk.”

  “But my bed felt so good.”

  “It did,” Trent readily agreed. “And you felt beyond good in it.” Keeping her hand in his, he made a right turn and led her toward the opening of the apartment complex.

  “Obviously not better than the cool night air,” she snapped.

  For the next few moments they walked in silence until Trent pulled her in front of him, cradling her back against his front. “Look up,” he instructed.

  Tia tilted her head back as best she could with his massive chest so close behind her. “What am I looking for?”

  “What do you see?”

  “It’s dark.”

  Trent chuckled. “Come on, relax and look at the sky. Tell me what you see.”

  He’d bent his head closer so that the warmth of his breath kissed her cheek. She inhaled then exhaled and gave it a try. “It’s like the sea, a deep, dark abyss capable of swallowing secrets, burying fear.”

  Trent wasn’t really surprised that her mind would instantly relate the darkness to fear. Her accident had happened at night, her greatest loss had happened when the sky was a deep, dark abyss.

  “I see hope,” he told her. “If I stand here and watch long enough, the deep indigo will lighten, gorgeous golds and reds will peek through. The sun will rise and daylight will come, a new day with new events. The hope of tomorrow.”

  His words were worth so much more than any therapy session Tia had ever participated in. Hope. That’s what she should have for her future. Not this innate sense that she was forever doomed to wallow in sadness. With a jolt she pulled out of his arms. Too much, too soon, she thought.

  “So how often do you walk at night?” She began moving, walking slowly until he caught her drift and picked up pace beside her.

  “Whenever I get the chance. You only work out at the gym?”

  “Yes. Carlo is great and can always fit me into his schedule.”

  “I’ll bet he does.”

  With a tilt of her head she stared at him. “I don’t believe it, the infamous Trent Donovan is jealous.”

  “Whoa. Don’t talk so loud, someone might hear you and start a rumor. I am not jealous.”

  Tia laughed. “
It’s after midnight. Who’s going to be outside to hear us? If anybody is up at this hour they’re down on the Strip losing their week’s pay. And I know jealous when I see it. Although I don’t know why—Carlo’s just my trainer. He’s not my…” Her words trailed off.

  “He’s not your lover,” Trent finished for her, wondering why it was so hard for her to say that. “And he’d better be real clear on that fact in the future.” The mere thought of Carlo or any other man touching her had Trent’s temples pounding. Hell, yeah, he was jealous, and that made him even more lethal.

  “Carlo’s engaged to a really nice blonde who works at one of the bars at MGM Grand.”

  “Good for him.”

  He’d pulled her hand into his again as they’d turned at the end of the street two blocks away from the apartment complex, and headed back. They weren’t talking a lot at the moment but that was okay. Every now and then Trent would look up to the sky and Tia would follow suit.

  She could walk like this for hours with him. It was a bit of a shock to realize that she and Trent Donovan could spend time together without having sex. It was a comforting revelation, one she would no doubt contemplate all day tomorrow.

  Tomorrow, she thought wistfully. What would tomorrow bring? Would Trent be in her bed in the morning? Would he want to do something else with her, like have lunch or dinner or simply take another walk at midnight? It had been so long since she’d thought about what tomorrow would bring, so long since the thought had held any appeal for her.

  But Trent had given her that. He’d given her tomorrow. He’d given her hope.

  Chapter 10

  It was almost noon when Tia climbed out of bed on Saturday morning. She and Trent had spent another long night exploring each other’s bodies. And just as she had every night, after the first one, she’d sent him home.

  Spending one night wrapped in his arms had been a mistake. While she was cool having sex with him, she didn’t want to confuse things. They were just lovers, they were not a couple.

  So she worked during the day, well, not all day. CK Davis Designs had her pretty much booked through the next couple of months but they didn’t have a runway show planned until early spring. So for now work for Tia consisted of three to four hours of photo shoots for newspapers, magazines and the CK Davis catalog. The rest of her time was either spent in the gym or closed in her apartment.