Primal Heat--A Paranormal Shapeshifter Werejaguar Romance Read online

  Clearing his throat of the lump that had slowly begun to form there, he continued.

  “Leanne and I dated for almost a year. Then it was over and eventually she began seeing Lonzo. When I saw them that night it was the first time in months. And when he hit her I just reacted.”

  Dipping the cloth into the water then lifting it up to her shoulder, he let the water drip down her chest and arms. If she was uncomfortable, it only showed in the quick jolt of her chest. She never spoke a word. Eli continued to rinse the upper portion of her body, then soaped the cloth again and washed the lower parts, being as gentle as he had been before. He did not continue with his explanation even though there was more in his mind about what happened, more thoughts, concerns, regrets. He’d reenacted that scene so many times.

  From the moment he’d first struck Lonzo, until the last punch to the back of the man’s head as he was crawling on the floor. It was straight to his skull, his sharp teeth bared but not penetrating—because while he was the cat in every other aspect, his human body was still intact. The man had died and Eli had been arrested that night. Two weeks later, while he was out on bail, he’d gone to see Leanne, apologies on his lips. But it was too late. That’s what her letter said, the one that lay next to her lifeless body strewn naked across her bed. She’d overdosed on pain pills. And the guilt had hung around Eli’s neck like metal chains.

  “You killed him to protect her.”

  Her voice was soft, her fingers wet as they touched his cheek. He’d been staring down into the water for who knew how long. But when he heard her speak he’d looked up slowly to see her gaze intent on him.

  “And she killed herself to get away from me,” he admitted for the first time in all these years. “I couldn’t give her what she wanted or needed so she turned to him. Then I killed him and she had nothing. So she died.”

  “And your penance is to continue to have nothing because that’s what you think you deserve,” she said while shaking her head. “Oh, Eli.”

  “It is done,” he said, moving so abruptly water splashed over the side of the tub. He stood then, walking to the small closet and pulling out a towel. “Let’s get you into bed. You should rest.”

  “I don’t need to rest,” she said disdainfully, coming to a stand in the tub so that water dripped in quick succession over her lush nakedness.

  He breathed in deep, his chest constricting, temples throbbing incessantly as he wrestled with imminent desire and constant inner betrayal. He shouldn’t want Nivea. He’d decided long ago that there would never be another female in his life that could ultimately end up hurt or worse. Yet, he did want her, and in the last few hours felt as if he wouldn’t take another breath if something happened to her.

  “And I don’t need you handling me with kid gloves,” she exclaimed, extending an arm to grab the towel he’d been holding with a death grip from his hands.

  Wrapping the towel around her, shielding all that he wanted from his view, Nivea stepped out of the tub.

  “This is ridiculous and then again, it’s not. I completely understand your guilt, but I’m here to tell you it’s unnecessary. You can’t live your life blaming yourself for other people’s faults or actions.”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about, so it’s probably best to stop talking altogether,” he told her.

  “Is that your way of telling me to shut up?”

  His reply was to walk out of the bathroom, leaving her and whatever else she thought she wanted to say to him, alone. In his room Eli ran his hands down his face. He tried to steady his breathing, to get a grip on all that was going on around him and to stop thinking about fucking her again and again!

  “Okay, let’s just talk about this. Something really bad happened to you and you reacted. But it doesn’t make you an awful person, Eli. You’re stronger than this. I know you are.”

  “You don’t know anything about me!” he yelled.

  Then he clapped his lips shut and turned away from her. He tried counting from one hundred, taking in slow and deep breaths, each method of relaxation that was supposed to work. He did not want to talk about his past, and most of all not with her. Eli was certain she wouldn’t understand. Hell, there was still so much he didn’t understand himself.

  “You will not go into the field until I say so. You are officially on medical leave,” he said, walking to the door with every intention of locking her inside if that’s what it took to keep her safe.

  “What?” she yelled back. “Are you out of your damned mind? I’m not a child that you can just dictate to, Eli. I’m an adult and I’m—”

  Whatever she was going to say was lost in the next three seconds as Eli spun around, crossed the room, and grabbed her into his arms, smashing his lips down over hers in a hungry kiss that stole his breath, his mind, and almost every single dark part of him at once.

  Chapter 10

  Kissing Eli was like being engulfed by a raging storm. He took everything from her, air, thought, inhibitions, it all melted away with each stroke of his tongue. She fell into him at that moment, being dragged under and struggling to breathe. His strong hands cupped her face and she grabbed his wrists to keep herself standing upright. His teeth scraped along her lips, her chin, then his tongue was plunging deep again. Their breathing was erratic, hearts beating wildly as hunger threatened to consume them both.

  Then she was lifted off her feet and dropped onto the bed, the towel she’d been holding around her body falling to the side, coolness from the air-conditioned room slapping against her exposed skin. He grabbed her ankles then, pulling them apart and pushing them back until her legs bent, feet planted on the bed. She hissed his name, but he ignored her, leaned down until his lips were touching her plump folds, his tongue delving deep into her center, swirling around until her hips jolted up off the bed. When she shivered all over, his tongue moved upward, circling around her clit until she was biting her bottom lip, the cat inside purring with complete glory.

  Nivea couldn’t close her eyes. She couldn’t fall into the pleasure, the warrior in her held her from succumbing so easily. “I won’t do as you command,” she said through clenched teeth.

  He barely paused, but his attention slipped from front to back, his tongue swirling over her anus, dampening her there. Her teeth chattered, fingers gripping the sheets of the bed. All the while she shook her head, refusing to let his words stand. She would not allow him to control her. Regardless of whether or not Eli Preston was her mate, he would not dictate what she could or could not do in her life. She’d vowed after leaving New York to never live that way again.

  “I won’t,” she whispered.

  He pulled his mouth away from her and Nivea felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. She missed his mouth on her immediately, but would not make a sound.

  “You want to act tough?” he asked, not looking up at her, his gaze still locked on her soaking wet pussy, on the remnants of his clever ministrations.

  “You want to tempt me and yet defy me,” he continued, rubbing a finger up and down her slit until her entire body trembled. He circled her clit, rubbing in teasing circles until her pussy pulsated, her essence dripping onto the bed.

  “I won’t see you hurt,” he told her, his voice tight, restrained. He dipped a finger inside of her, pressing deep then pulling back. In went two fingers this time, stretching inside her, pressing with delicious pleasure against her walls.

  “You can’t … control … me,” she gasped, her chest heaving, eyes still focused on the top of his head.

  He looked up then, their gazes locking, holding, simmering. His fingers slipped from her center, down, back, until one wet digit was pressing into her anus, stretching the sensitive skin there, breaching a barrier Nivea had never known the feeling of before. She drew in a breath, loving the feel of how tight her body sucked on his finger.

  “You sure about that, my little hellcat?” he asked, one of his thick brows rising.

  Nivea struggled to keep hers
elf still, her eyes open and her gaze focused on him. This was a battle for control, for everything she’d ever worked for and she felt like she was losing. Her body wanted this pleasure. The cat inside wanted everything Eli, its mate, was offering her at this moment. But was that enough? The human in her knew it wasn’t, she knew the game Eli was playing. He would use her pleasure to control her, just as Richard had once used her innocence to keep her quiet.

  “No!” she yelled at him. Then with all the strength she could muster she closed her legs, rolling to the side until his finger was dislodged, her shoulder throbbing with the pressure of being pushed into the mattress.

  He’d been about to say something, to rebut the single word she’d been able to speak, when there was a knock at the door. A soft, tentative knock, as if someone knew he’d need a moment to respond. Nivea inhaled deeply, their companheiro calor so strong and assaulting to her senses that she almost wanted to cry out. Instead Nivea rolled completely off the bed, grabbing the towel, and headed back into the bathroom, leaving Eli and the anger surrounding him like a cloak behind.

  * * *

  “The press is all over what happened today,” Rome said solemnly. “Ezra dropped Rimas off at the hospital. His wounds were deep scratches in a clawlike pattern. He’s mumbling about hearing growling, seeing weird animal eyes and long sharp teeth. As of about ten minutes ago the police had finally been allowed back into the room to question him more. Reporters are all over the hospital and your barbershop. They’re looking for a connection to the reports of loud, animal-like growling the night of the charity ball. The rumor of the cat people grows stronger every day.”

  Only a leader such as Rome could make a statement that long seem like one single death sentence. There were equal measures of compassion mixed with the bitter sting of guilt being thrust at him for what he’d done. He’d run out into the open to confront the hybrid the night of the charity ball. He and the Sanchez brothers engaged without thought to who might have been on the streets to see them. And today, he’d seen that knife sink into Nivea’s skin, smelled the strong scent of her blood, could almost taste it in the back of his throat as he watched it drip down her arm, and he’d reacted. It was that simple. And Eli could truthfully say that if put in the same circumstances, he would do it again.

  “I didn’t shift and I didn’t kill him,” was what he finally said to the shifter he’d grown to care for and respect a great deal.

  “No. You didn’t, not this time,” Rome agreed.

  Eli’s jaw clenched.

  “I’m not here to blame you, Eli. Things are happening around us that none of us are able to control right now. But you are trained for this,” Rome continued. “You are a leader and you know the consequences.”

  He stood up straight, squaring his shoulders and holding the Assembly Leader’s gaze. “You are correct.”

  “There’s a press conference scheduled for tomorrow morning. You’re going to make a statement about the violence in your barbershop.”

  “Why? Rimas is going to tell the cops tonight that I beat the crap out of him. They’re going to arrest me. Giving a press conference is admitting my guilt before the entire city.”

  Nick stepped forward then, his face grim, cat’s eyes bared. “You were defending your shop against an intruder. Rimas had a knife, he held it to your neck for at least five minutes before Nivea came in. Then he stabbed her. You have witnesses so the self-defense is clear,” he told Eli.

  “Just like it was clear when I killed Lonzo,” he replied.

  “Don’t do that, man,” X said, moving around Rome to stand near Eli. “Don’t make this more personal than it is. That man came after you with the intent to kill you. The reason doesn’t matter. You did what you had to do to stay alive. Nobody is going to penalize you for that.”

  “Unless I’m one of the cat people,” Eli added, then shook his head. “Look, I hear what you’re saying. I’ll do the press conference and whatever else I can to make this go away so we can focus on the important matters. You don’t have to worry about me.”

  All three men looked at him skeptically and Eli felt like growling with rage. He hated their concerned and wary glances, the looks that said they thought he was completely losing it. And the feeling inside that they might actually be right. Clenching his fists at his sides, he turned away, moving to the nightstand, and looking down at the empty table. No clock, no pictures, nothing but the lamp that had been here when he moved in. His clothes hung in the closet and rested in the drawers but that was the extent of his belongings in this space. There was nothing else and had never been. Eli felt like this on the inside as well. He was a jaguar and a human, and at one point in his life he’d required something extra—the shaman’s healing potion. That was all that he was, nothing else.

  “I’ll do the press conference and whatever is necessary to minimize the attention to the shifters,” he stated again. “I should have reacted differently.”

  “No, he shouldn’t have,” Nivea said, coming out of the bathroom wearing one of his button-down shirts.

  When he turned to see her he realized all she had were her pants and they were lying on the floor on the other side of the bed. The shirt she’d worn in here, he’d tossed into the trash can. For a mere flicker of an instant he was struck by how naturally beautiful she looked with her hair hanging down to her shoulders, her feet bare, and his shirt nearly reaching her knees. Something, other than his cat and the dark he was so used to being inside him, shifted with the sight of her. Irritation won over the unknown and Eli frowned.

  “He was trying to diffuse the situation. He let that lunatic hold a knife to his throat for who knows how long before I came, in an attempt to protect our secret. The man meant to kill him, I saw it plain as day in his eyes. He would have tried to kill us both,” she told Rome and the others adamantly.

  The room grew silent after her outburst and Eli, not really knowing why, had moved closer to her while she spoke. Now he stood right beside her, his body slightly in front of hers.

  “You’re right.” X spoke up first. “He wanted to kill Eli and he would have tried his damnedest to kill you both. I know you reacted the only way you could,” X said, looking at Eli. “But now the situation is more precarious than it was before. We’re dealing with exposure from so many outlets at this point.”

  “Including from you,” Nick said, his gaze aimed directly at Nivea.

  “I’m no threat to the Shadows,” she told him vehemently. Her body had lurched forward slightly and Eli had extended his arm to block her from moving any farther, and also ready to prevent anyone from striking out at her.

  “I’ve trained for years to defend us and our secret. I don’t care what you think you know, I’m no traitor,” she finished confidently.

  Eli believed her. In that moment he knew what she’d said was the absolute truth. While he had no idea what was going on with her parents and their apparent connection to Comastaz, he knew without any doubt that Nivea was not involved.

  “She’s telling the truth,” he told them. “She doesn’t know what her parents are up to.”

  Nick frowned. Rome folded his arms over his chest, his hand lifting to rub along his bearded chin.

  “Whether that’s true or not, you should know we’re keeping a close eye on them,” he told Nivea.

  “That’s not my concern,” she replied coolly.

  “Your issue to deal with,” he told her. “Right now, one of my issues is that you were injured today, pretty badly from what Ary told me. So you’re on security monitor duty for the next week, until that shoulder is completely healed. Eli will do the press conference and continue to try to find out what the hell went down at that cabin and where Agent Wilson ran off to. The Sanchez brothers are also on hand to help with tracking Crowe.”

  Eli heard her intake of breath over Rome’s orders and knew she was about to go off.

  “We’ve already had that discussion,” he interjected. “She knows she will not be going out into the
field until I say she’s cleared.”

  “What the hell? Are you all crazy? I’m fine!” Nivea yelled. “You know how quickly we heal. I’ll be ready to go out tomorrow. Why are you doing this to me?”

  “Enough!” Rome yelled, raising his voice for the first time since coming into this room. “One week in the security monitoring room. And you, press conference at ten tomorrow morning. Tonight, both of you need to get some rest.”

  The Assembly Leader turned and walked out of the room before another word could be spoken. Nick followed right behind him without looking back, while X gave Eli what was as compassionate a look as the big man could offer.

  “You’re an idiot!” She rounded on him the moment they were alone. “Why didn’t you tell them that I’m okay? That I can go out tomorrow?”

  “Because you’re not and you can’t,” he said somberly. “Look, I know that you’re feeling okay. I don’t like not being able to go back out tonight either. But I understand their reasoning. We’re too pumped up right now, the cats are too close to the surface, ready to pounce. We need to lay low for a minute.”

  “Your minute consists of one day while mine is a week. How is that fair, Eli?”

  “It’s fair because you’re the one who had a stab wound that went so deep that bastard nicked your bone!” he yelled at her. “You lost a crap-load of blood and … and…” He couldn’t finish because the memory was too clear, the pain searing through his body at the sight flicking through his mind once more. It was too much to bear.

  “Look, just hang around Havenway and do what he says for the week. I’ll be following up on some things with the Sanchez brothers and I may need your eyes and ears here,” he told her, suddenly exhausted from the events of the day, from this unnamed emotion rippling through his veins like an infusion.

  “I’m a guard. I fight for these shifters every damned day,” was her solemn retort.

  Eli looked at her then, stared right into her light brown eyes and felt like her gaze was reaching deep inside of him, pulling something out he’d long since buried. “You’re a damned good guard and you do fight for the shifters every day. I’ll be first to vouch for you. But part of being a good fighter is knowing when to sit and wait.”